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How To Have Your Scales Done.....And Other Monstrous Beauty Tips

By Beauty and Fashion Consultant Connie Goodnow

Can't get those tired scales to stay up the way you want...?
Can't get those wings to be silk-smooth...?
Can't get the radioactive blood-shot, out of your eyes...?
Well, even monsters deserve to be beautiful...!

The Problems, and How to Solve Them

1. Radioactive Blood shot Eyes

BEFORE....
AFTER

We took Model A (Godzilla) and worked with the blood shot eyes, picture at left (here) Blood shot is caused when you have too damn much radiation in your body...
What we did is we took Model A (Godzilla) and enticed him into beating the hell out of other monsters, thereby discharging the excess radiation and resulting in a more luminous appearance, shot at right (pictures compliments of Barry's Temple of Godzilla)

Tell tale signs of wing aging

BEFORE	AFTER
We took Model B (Ghidora) and worked with his wings which were sagging with age and had huge major holes due to his scuffle with Godzilla over who was more beautiful....	What we did in this case is hurry forward into the 23rd century and take advantage of the latest in wing lifts and spike tucks, resulting in a greatly improved appearance.

Dull Skin? Worry No More

BEFORE The Flip side of too low a level of radiation in the body results in dull patches of skin (see Model A, above...) The trick to solving this cosmetic worry was quite simple....	AFTER We subjected Model A to a 28-hour long radiation bath in Chernobyl Spa and as you can see above, the results are tremendous!
4. Bad Wing Day? Music soothes the savage beast... BEFORE Model C (Mothra) had come to our professional consulting firm suffering from a really bad wing day. (see above.) To solve this problem was simple...	AFTER We hired some 2-inch women to come and croon some soothing lullabyes to Model C, resulting in a changed appearance (see above!)

How To Get really dressed to Kill
In Monster Talk, that's GROONK EERK SNANG KARUNK GROOWF EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAUNG!!!!!!

Leave the Pearls in the Ocean. If you are dressing up for a night out on the Tokyo Town, you had better forget the jewelry, as you won't be needing it. Be sure to bring along the Card Blank or the Dino's Diner Express charge cards to pay for all those sky-scrapers you've been ordering...!
Bring a scent. Most monsters LOVE Eu De La Burning Sulfur or Eu De La Beurning Tieres (the latter exudes a flowery rubber smell.) However, there is a new scent out by Elizabeth Taylor that works just as well (if not better.) You want to pick a scent that will knock people flat on their asses!
Accessorize. There are thousands of new top-of-the-line faddish type accessories, including the new Godzilla Grip clamps and/or the Gigan saw... and there is always the favorite fallback...the anti-Godzilla missile!
TRENDS TO AVOID: As a monster, you want people to take you seriously. They would hold their stomachs in uncontrollable laughter if Godzilla were to appear in red sequins or if Rodan showed up in a flowery mumu. The trick here: Au Naturel is the way to go. Nudity is respectable in the 90's... even for monsters!

Special Tips for busy Mothra's: Always, Always, ALWAYS load yourself with oodles and oodles of Mothra powdre. You never know who you're going to run into.

Now that I finally got my page back to where it belongs, I'm going to do this piece by piece and page by page... and bring it up to the 21st century! I know, I know... "It's about time!!!" :-)

Hope your Yawn2K was a good one.

Conster

Back to Main.

BEFORE....	AFTER
We took Model A (Godzilla) and worked with the blood shot eyes, picture at left (here) Blood shot is caused when you have too damn much radiation in your body...	What we did is we took Model A (Godzilla) and enticed him into beating the hell out of other monsters, thereby discharging the excess radiation and resulting in a more luminous appearance, shot at right (pictures compliments of Barry's Temple of Godzilla)